A very common piece of marriage advice is to find a marriage mentor. Couples farther down the road of marriage are invaluable sources of advice, support and encouragement, particularly when the marriage road becomes rocky. Marriage mentors allow us to gain perspective, and realize the hard times don’t last forever. More importantly, mentors allow you to see a healthy and successful marriage in action.
Unfortunately, it can be quite the task to find a marriage mentor. Oftentimes, looking at the marriages of those around us leaves much to be desired. We are the generation who grew up in “broken homes” or with parents stuck in loveless marriages. We watched our celebrities have extravagant weddings only to hear about their “amicable separation” months later.
Where on earth, you may wonder, are we supposed to find these magical marriage mentors?
Hopefully, you’ll be able to find a couple that you know personally or through your religous organization. For the rest of us who don’t have access to a happily married couple, please allow me to introduce you to Mr. & Mrs. Obama!
I understand that you may disagree with the First Couple on a few (or all!) political issues, however don’t let that discourage you from using their marriage as a guide for a blissful forever. Nearly any time I read about their relationship I become more and more convinced that America can learn a thing or two from these presidential lovebirds.
Balance Between the Couple and the Individual
In 1996 Barack Obama described his relationship with Michelle saying,
She is at once completely familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also a complete mystery to me in some ways.
Mariana Cook, The New Yorker
In the beginning of a relationship we are eager to become as close as humanly possible. We want to know everything we can about this wonderful person. Part of what makes marriage so exciting is that now you will truly share everything, especially life’s mundane moments.
A great couple learns that not only do you want to develop that “familiarity”, but keep the mystery. Always remember that each person in the relationship is still an individual. Remembering that your spouse is completely different from you, no matter how long you’ve been together or how much you’ve shared, will help keep the relationship feeling fresh and full of discovery.
Affection
Body language is a great way to determine if someone is lying to you. No one will believe you’re relaxed if your arms are folded tightly across your chest, no matter how much you try to argue otherwise. The same is true for a couple. When things are not going right between two people, their body language will express it loud and clear.
Do a Google image search for Michelle and Barack. Any time these two are together there is a natural and easy affection between the two. Their body language speaks volumes about their relationship. Their body language lets us know that they genuinely enjoy being around each other.
Make a point to hug or caress your partner on a daily basis. It’s easy for this simple act to slip through the cracks of busyness. Daily affection helps relieve stress, and is a wonderful way to communicate the words “I love you!” to your spouse.
Get Through Hard Times Together
In President Obama’s book The Audacity of Hope he talks about how they had problems in 2000, a lot of it having to do with him spending so much time out campaigning and developing his political career.
A good marriage mentor will be a couple that has been through hard times and is willing to talk about the experience. When you and your spouse are in the middle of a rough patch it becomes hard to believe that anything will get better. Having a couple around to let you know that they’ve “been there, done that” is a great way to march through the inevitable hard times. And during those hard times sometimes all you need is to know that someone has been through a similar situation and come out on the other side.
Learning these lessons from the presidential couple will have you cheering “Yes we can!” about the possibility of a great marriage.
2 Comments
January 20, 2009 at 8:06 pm
marie – thanks for this great post! you are so right – i love their relationship and i know a lot of us are already looking to them as role models and inspiration.
January 20, 2009 at 9:18 pm
Ashley, I know! The more I learn, the more I fall in love!